I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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