WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
