You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
