I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
