You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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