Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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