you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Alive.
So much puke
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
