She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
