So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Less talking, more tequila
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
