apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
