WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
wow bdsm is so cute
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