I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
