My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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