Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
