so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think my vagina is haunted
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
