I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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