Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
