Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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