Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
