I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Everclear isn't food dammit
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
