apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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