ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
