he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
