Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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