I think my fart just growled at me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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