Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
