How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
