How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
