ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
