Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he thought i was a dude.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
