she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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