At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there's paper in my vomit.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
