Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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