Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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