you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
