You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
