the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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