Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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