this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
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Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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