Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
