my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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