she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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