We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
