I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
