he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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