just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
