I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
True strength comes from lack of pants
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
