You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
