Rock
Scissors
Fuck
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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