She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
