I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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