I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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