I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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