my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
