literally had 100 drinks last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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