did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
