oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
