dude i'm inner monologue high
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
