Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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