You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
