I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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