did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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