put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i will never coherently bang her
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
