I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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