Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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